The Stork's Assistants: Long Delayed Update

BT (Before Tyke) I had compiled a list of 2008 babies, due in March end, I was 9/10th in the list. The Tyke will be four months in a week's time, InshaAllah and I haven't posted a single update since my last the update IV. In fact, I should've been pushed down the expecting list as A, my SiL's bro and SiL had a son early March, but Z, blogger had her baby take her due time in her arrival so I retained my no. 9 spot. Anyways. After update IV:
N has had her twins, a boy and a girl, all fine, hale and hearty...her husband sent me their pics, with their elder son and the new arrivals.
S, my cousin has had a baby daughter early this month, sis sent me an sms also informing me of the impending mommyhood of two more cousins...that takes up the 2008 babies count to 15!
A, SiL, had a baby boy yesterday so hoooray there too. :))
The Tyke is neatly wedged amidst all these arrivals and will have loads of playmates his age...now only if we would make sure that he's around one time or another, with these kids in the list!
Our move to Canuck-land is all set now. We go there mid-August and get some paperwork done by end of September, then return to base and head home to Pakistan (KHI-LHR-KHI) in October/November...finally returning here to see the end of the year. Next year when we fly to Canada, it would be a permanent move, InshaAllah, sometimes in May.
Also I've been thinking up loads of Tyke posts all these months, I just have to make time one of tehse days and commit them all here.

Tyke's Arrival: The Waiting Game

The Tyke’s arrival is getting closer and it seems like we actually get to chose a date to pick it up. As we sat out the weekend in uncertainty and a wait that seems to drag on and on, Z asked me what had happened to the old fashioned stork-delivery-of-baby-days. It was a far more efficient system and cut out on the parent’s wait and a state of preparedness that just but unnerves them completely. I was massaging my Momzilla feet at the time and once again thinking how Mom’s have temporary amnesia. Before I hold the Tyke in my hands and forget all about what I went through to get to the little bundle all my own (and a quart Z’s) I thought I should record it. For most parts, I seem to have forgotten what hell the first trimester was. Somehow I’ve actually, really forgotten what it was like to be nauseated at the mere mention of food…how just passing by a cafeteria made me sick. I just remember that I did not want to eat, but somehow the days passed with the aid of a nausea medication. But was that all to the first trimester? I can’t remember anymore, isn’t it strange? Oh and the tear-fest that I was prone to some of the time, that was Z’s bane and all he remembers!
Then came the second trimester with its back and feet aches. I remember my lower back and feet, particularly the heels killing me, even at rest, the nausea had subsided but oh the pains and aches that I’d put up with, and what else can I say but SubhanAllah…the second and longest gestational trimester also passed and with it all the pains and pangs. I bought the Tyke’s first outfits sometimes nearing the end of the second trimester.

One fine dish washing mid-November evening, I felt it’s first kick. We had company so I could not jump all over the place (I was not yet the plus plus size being I am now and could, with soime effort, jumo around with joy) and inform Z of what the kid was upto. All of a sudden it seemed so real and close, an actual being. So far it was just a nauseating, aching thing we could, if lucky, catch waving it’s limbs (I suspect it was the hand) during the U/S sessions. With its first jab it announced that its limbs were ready, hardening as it became more and more human, more and more our kid, the Tyke who’d take over our lives completely, wholly. I actually felt more closer to it after the kicks and jabs, it felt like I was the inside of a goal post most of the times when it was active, but SubhanAllah, it was beautiful. And the best of it all, it stopped moving the moment it’s father neared. All Z had to do was step in the room and the Tyke would’ve been kicking, head butting, jabbing, poking around Amma’s innards and be at complete peace! Seriously, I mean I know how kids are completely their Abba’s pets (I’d favor Pa over Ma any given day and time) but such blatant favoritism already, before arrival, was unkind. One moment a tantrum and the second it was an angel waiting for Abba’s approval with perfect behavior; it was amusing and annoying at the same time. These active sessions were spaced out through the day of course and I lived for them. That is all I remember of the second trimester. All the reading I’d done, online and offline, all the information I’d gathered distilled into those moments. Nothing else mattered. I’ve all the monthly U/S pics up to this stage as I changed doctors in the last trimester.
The third trimester, when things start getting real, a bit too real. On Eid Day, the Tyke waked me up by poking a limb out of me, really… a rounded thing protruding from the left side of my bump…just a bit, but enough to be felt. It was also the stage when I was eating or thinking about what to eat most of the time. My weight shot up drastically so much so that Z tried to enforce a chocolate ban on me and get me to eat healthy; eggs, milk, fish, fruits and vegetables, the kind of stuff I don’t even think classifies as food essential. I managed to get past the embargo some times and got my chocolates and as he saw that I was eating properly or at least making an effort to, the embargo was relaxed and we could get chocolates when doing grocery. In the meanwhile, I’d lost my crazy craving for brown bars, I still can't get all that excited about chocolates and merely think of them as an item in the fridge that has to be finished, that’s all. Not the anticipation and excitement that was once a part of the choc-binge. I blame the Tyke and its obedience to its Abba, what else can explain this sudden loss of appetite for chocolates?
Third trimester also meant more activity for the Tyke, more amusement for Amma and shape-shifting of her bump. And then the U/S session, the first indication of what a worrier Tyke’s going to be…it was breech. Also the radiologist threw a tub full of water on my Tyke shopping so far by announcing that the gender was not what the previous doctor had confirmed. I was advised to walk every day and let gravity direct the Tyke into a proper position, of the gender, we had to wait till the next U/S session when it would co-operate with the doctor and let us know if the shopping had to be more blue or pink. It was week 29, I believe, when the U/S was done and the next two weeks I walked despite feet that refused to carry me, a back that declined to support my weight…and a fatigue that threatened to collapse me 24/7. I was showing now, though I did not realize how much obvious the Tyke’s presence inside me was till I stepped into the lift one day and saw a woman I could not recognize as myself. Bloated beyond belief, nose the size and shape of New Zealand and the rest of me like Russia, inflated and all over the place! My hands and feet were a splotchy purplish-red color by now and twice their size. All footwear I once had was already languishing in the shoe rack, now I was running out of space in the functional flip-flops I’d bought. I could get in them with some difficulty, see my feet flesh up on both sides of the straps, my toes like fat sausages complaining of their inability to live with their neighbors as they ran out of space on my feet. One of my fears is that one day I’d look down (while seated of course, I can no longer see my feet while standing) and see a couple of toes stacked on top of each other, sheepishly telling me they had no other way to go!
Just last week the Tyke gave us a new scare altogether, it had gotten into the right head-down position, but in doing so and dancing around and exploring in the cramped space it has, it got a knot in it cord and sported it proudly, like a medal round its neck. Of course it sounds not that bad now, but when the doctor told me of it, I felt all blood drain out of me seeing her make a knot out of my dupatta to demonstrate what the situation was. I didn’t help that I’d gone for my visit alone for the first time in all those months and the time I’d wanted Z most by my side he was not there. I was put on CTG and everything recorded fine on it. The Tyke was up to its usual dancing and prodding antics. I was to be monitored more closely then on. I remember returning home in a cab totally spaced out and crying, worrying, searching on the internet for the ominous words and then not reading any further as none of it was any heartening or even sympathizing read for a mom-to-be. Z returned from work and it was a silent evening, we did not talk about it. The doctor had already told me that instead of waiting for my EDD at the end of the month or the show to begin on its own, she’d not risk and induce me as the Tyke was full -term (37 weeks) weighed respectable enough…and that I should be ready for a c-section if God Forbid its heartbeat dropped. I was worrying that I did not want any epidurals and here was a new scare…that I was to be knocked out flat for the grand ‘arrival’. Z went with me for the second CTG and learnt for himself of the situation, so far a part of me was wishing that I’d heard wrong, how can there be a knotted cord around the neck, either one of the things on its own was worry enough for there to be a double dose of it. The prognosis was the same. Another CTG scheduled for Monday, March 17 and then the doctor said, let’s not wait anymore, we’ll induce you on Tuesday. So the bags are packed and ready, Ma’s being flown over on short notice, Ma-in-Law is packing her bags. The house is clean, all things dusted and properly placed, the wardrobe neatly stacked with freshly laundered, sweet smelling soft new clothes (I wasted one weekend evening sorting through Z’s clothes and dumping more than half of them above and away from sight and reach to make space for Tyke’s things, it already has my side of the cupboard taken over with small hangers). All set and the wait…we’re just waiting for Monday and what the doctor says of the Tyke’s arrival then. So back to Z’s question, why did the stork retire?

Stork's Assistants: Update IV, MomZilla's and The Tyke

A has broken the daughter run for this year and had a baby boy on February 20th, three days after W had her daughter. We went to see BabySh the other day and he is MashaAllah adorable. His elder sis, L was taking quite well to the new arrival, L is two and a half year's old and A told me that her reaction to her bhai was cute, she rushes to him when he cries and actually tells him that L and Dadi are there with him, so he does not have to cry, they'll hit the genie for him! But like the little girl she is, she takes and exception to being called an aapa or baji...L doll, she says. And she really is a doll, Z was reminiscing sitting at their place how L was just like BabySh when he'd met her parents two years ago and now she was running all over the place making her preferences known to her guests. She liked me better than Z, for the record! Yay!

On March 1st I got an sms from A, my uni friend that they'd been blessed with a baby daughter. I think they knew of the gender all along and had a generic sms typed up to be sent the moment her child had arrived 'cuz I haven't heard from her since, not even a reply to my sms. I'll call her up or send her an email soonest I think she's returned to Earth. The baby, I assume hogs mom's time all the time so I don't feel like disturbing new mommies. Update on it later.

Some time earlier W had told me that her cousin W I'd met at my friend W's wedding also had a daughter, MashaAllah. I include her in my list and I kind of know W's cousin W who already has a cutie-pie handsome little son.

My SiL's bro and SiL also were blessed with a son over the weekend, so I think this is not going to be a year of the girls anymore...when I was sharing my theory with W she doubted it strongly saying that so far she'd heard an equal number of boys and girls joining the baby ranks this year. So. But babies galore, MashaAllah. Or perhaps you start noticing such things more when you are in the expectant parent list yourself...

I was watching Godzilla on MBC2 today and as I came to the scene where Mommy Godzilla sees her babies scorched to death as Madison Square Garden is bombed, I wanted to cry…for Mommy Godzilla…and I was livid with rage with her as she chased the pesky humans!
Tyke’s arrival, it seems would be sooner than we thought (or it’s Abba wished for; April 1st). Every time I go for an U/S scan there is something new for us to worry about; the tyke is an attention seeker and mommy worrier already. Last time it was in the wrong position and now it has itself in a knot; the result, consultations, constant monitoring and torment for Amma. Asides not being able to attend a function I was long looking forward to and had got a new dress all stitched up for, it pushes our whole schedule forward by a good two weeks. Before I went for the U/S the doctor was telling me that I might uneventfully go past my EDD of March 26/27 as it was the first baby for me. But the Tyke had other ideas, it had already kicked up a storm inside me, making my bump look like an alien shape-shifter the nights before and during the U/S session. By the time I returned to the doctor with my U/S report with the ominous words ‘Evidence of cord around the neck’ the doctor had changed her tune. So basically we’re now on constant monitoring and instead of having to wait out till the EDD, I’ll have to go for a CTG Wednesday and see what the doc advises…she’s ruled out the EDD wait as a risk, suggesting an induction some times next week and God forbid even a C-section if it does not work. I'm nearing full term of 37 weeks and the Tyke might be a tad teeny for it's impatient arrival into the world, so all should be well. I need prayers, loads and loads of them all the same.

The Stork had better have some assistants

This year is going to be a busy one for the Stork, with so many deliveries it has to make.

Here's a count of babies delivered or expected this year. And these are babies I would see, whose parents I know and have met...friends who are expecting also know other people who are in the same league, but I'm not including them in the list. So here's a list:

1. M, sis in law: She's had baby girl H in December last year, I always start the count at her.
2. F, sis: She's had baby girl D in January this year
3. N, Z's colleague's wife: had a baby girl R in January
4. A, a friend: expecting in February
5. W, friend : expecting in February
6. Z, blogger I've met and know: expecting February/March
7. A, uni friend: expecting in March
8. N, uni friend: expecting twins in March
9. A, yours bloatedly: expecting in March/April
10. S, cousin: expecting in May
11. A, other sis in law: expecting in July/August

With N's twins, that's a neat dozen babies to pray for, shop for, cuddle and hug and go ga-ga over.

That's a cricket team complete with an extra player.

The year's only started and with what it's been like so far, there would be some more expected babies that I might learn of in the coming days/weeks. So the count is still open.

It's going to be one busy year for the Stork with all those deliveries, it had better have some assistants...

To be or not to be concerned

Some days after I started on the journey to motherhood, I declared to all Moms in my circle that mothers, all mothers, have amnesia; they phase out all the pains and pangs they'd endured to become a mommy. All they remember is the feeling of absolute bliss when they first held their precious little one and later it becomes a poop-time tale telling match between Moms. Have you ever noticed how moms always gather together and exchange stories of their kids latest antics? No one thinks to include non-moms into the group, no one thinks it noble to warn other females of what they went through in their nine months of gestation. Then again, they say all pregnancies are different, each has its own trials and perhaps moms, when they gather together, share these knowing that they'd get the sympathy they seek. Before I forget or choose to wipe out what I went through to become a mom, I think it would be better if I record it.

Pregnancy, I thought earlier, was only nausea and throwing up (filmi style), cravings for certain foods, weight gain, a bump and a whole world of pain at the time of birth to bring the baby into this world. Any stories I'd heard from friends, cousin, sister or even my MiL were the same, all told of nausea, a complete loss of apetite in the first trimester and then food cravings later down the pregnancy. Any mention of labor pains (and only two women came forward with that) was sketchy, just that yes, it hurt like hell, but the moment they held their child in hands, all was forgotten. U went to the extent of saying that after all that pain and suffering, she saw her daughter and felt that was the sole purpose of her life, to give birth to the wonderful being that she'd nurtured within her for nine months. It was such a rosy, hunky dory picture. That and the fact that there are so many kids around us, our siblings etc. How difficult can it all be when out mothers and theirs before them had kids...women have been having kids and going through all this since Hazrat Adam and Hawwa (AS).

There is a world of information out there on the internet on pregnancy and related issues, chunkloads of money are made on books about pregnancy, child care and the likes. All this and you're still oblivious of this facet of life, completely unaware that such literature exists, or perhaps you'd always ignored it altogether. I did not know what I did, all I know is that I sought information when I entered the ring...and information came pouring in from all sides as well. I was, all of a sudden included 'in' the sanctum of mommies...then my eyes opened up to what I had in store for me. The best part is, no one would vouch forward with what lay ahead, but the moment you mentioned a trying time, stories would pour forth. It's amazing how closely guarded such incidents are, only when you are in the midst of it all and experiencing it would you learn more or similar tales of woe.

I'd gone to the doctor for a routine visit, when the nurse congratulated me before I stepped in the doctor's room and when the doctor confirmed it, I went numb. That's what I felt, complete numbness...and perhaps helplessness. I know other women who'd been ecstatic at their 'news' irrespective of how many times they'd gone through it earlier already. I came home and cried and for better part of the coming week, I was weepy and crying. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I did not want it, the news was just overwhelming and I felt helpless, forlorn, trapped, I did not know who to turn to. I mean how can you douse the spirits of a jubilant dad-to-be? A major reason behind this, I guess was the fact that I was here on my own. Back home this news would have travelled as fast as telephone lines could relay it, everyone would've been happy. Here, every thing was muted, subdued. I've lived a life cocooned in love and care, being cherished every breathing moment just for being me. My comings and goings, in my immediate and extended family, were news of joy...all that unconditional love and attention is spoiling. I know it spoiled me for anything any less than that...imagine having a bucket full of cold reality and loneliness thrown in your face when you learn of the most momentous thing in your life…that those who love you most are not there with you. So I cried. I cried at having cried. I cried fearing that I would not make a good mother, I cried fearing I would not be able to love the child as much as it deserved, that I was such an undeserving mother, such a thankless candidate for the honor. And most of all I cried knowing that it would not get the kind of attention and love that I was lucky to get from my family. It's all so unfair for the life within me, it hadn't even got a heartbeat at the time it's mother was crying.

It's been six months since and the heart beats have become movements, kicks, jabs and squirms within me and each day I love it more...and fear more and cry more for it...it's scary, to love a child you haven't even seen or held in your hands and cry for it. I don't think I've cried as much in my entire life as I've cried in these past months. And honestly, I don't care much for the physical pains and sufferings I've been through so far, the nausea, wooziness, persistent aches...not even the thought of labor scares me, I'm ready to take on anything for the baby. Emotionally it's been hell. There are days when I feel I'm on top of the world, when I feel utterly blessed and then there are days when I'm totally down in the dumps, deep in despair. If someone were to ask me what I felt like, I'd say I feel like an apple that's been put through a juicer...all that remains of me is the dry, brittle pulp, every bit of joy drained out.

All reading that I've done so far encourages moms to talk to their bumps, I feel silly so I don't do that. I fear the baby would be more familiar with my sniffles than my voice...as it is it hears more from the TV than from its parents! Also I noticed, since movement became noticeable, that it seems to be more active when I'm upset. I've lain awake at nights, wallowing in self-pity, stressing myself out and the baby kicks its support inside me...it gets restless when I cry. Its at peace when I am. And this worries me too. What kind of a mother would I make if I keep the baby through such an emotional turmoil? What influence would get from my dark moods. I try to stay positive and upbeat, just for the baby...but I fail. It doesn't help that the baby's decided to not get into a proper position and give me more cause for concern. And all that stressing and worrying on my part may affect it as the chemicals released in the brain to my emotional upheavals reach the baby. There's little that can be done to prevent this. I can perhaps stress myself out to be happy and stay positive, force optimism...or binge on chocolate.

Moms to-be about town

Alhamdulillah for girl friends, what would you do without them? I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to Waj, asides the fact that she was the one who match-made for me and Z, she's also my senior in the maternity hierarchy - she has an adorable tyrant-in-the-making son AA and another baby due next month InshaAllah. Some weeks my gestational senior, she's one good ear to turn to when it comes to sharing pregnancy woes, aches, concerns and joys. Also the perfect partner when it comes to catharsis and a general unburdening of the oft ungrateful species we agreed to for life - our husbands. But this is just about two moms to-be and their adventures about town.

Waj kind of cheated on me, she tempted me into marrying Z, suggesting how great it would be for us two to be house-wives and have fun in town once I was here, just like the good old days excepts we'd be mistresses of our time...Bliss. But then she shifted a whole hour's drive away to RAK and now her visits to town are when she's due for her routine ante-natal visits and our meetings are limited to the time I usually accompany her to the hospital. It was fine early one but now I have a whole lot of reservations about her driving when nearing full term but that's her choice and it's difficult to reason with the woman.

Last time Waj came over, we took a cab, went to the doctor, she'd left AA with her mom in RAK and was in no mood to waste the visit, so to speak...we decided to have a nice girlie-time and went to a salon for haircuts and facials, had lunch, window-shopped and came home for a heart to heart on husband behaviorisms (Her husband and mine are friends and have so many 'husbandly' traits in common they might as well be twins, but then all men are similar husbands). Good day.

Yesterday was more fun than last time. We did not have an assasination unfolding before our eyes on TV to end the fun-filled day.

Waj is nearing her full-term and I've just started my last trimester, we both look like waddling aunties, quite a sight. We started our day with a visit to the doctor, then had nice aloo parathas for brunch - the weather is so rainy these days - then went over to Mr. Bakers for desserts, all before noon. If people did a double take seeing us both cavorting as best as our conditions would allow, I didn't notice. I would later in teh day.

She hadn't slept a wink all night and I'd gotten up before dawn after being kicked awake by the footballer-wannabe inside me, we were both weary and tired to our bones, in fact we've stopped sharing our aches and pains, it's a given we'd be aching all over any and all the time. We only talk about it when it gets worse than usual, achey has become a permanent condition of being. We should have headed home and rested but Waj had a better idea, we'd go to Mega Mall and get a nice massage. We'd tried it once earlier, Waj and I, and liked it so much that in a fit of magnanimity we called over our husbands and sent them in for half an hour's bliss.

The massage place was full and we had to wait 40 minutes for teh next slots to be available, we were in a mall and earlier the wait would've been nothing, but no amount of imagination can descibe the crest-fallen look two weary, tired, aching-all-over moms to-be sported on their faces. So we thought we'd while away the time visiting the numerous baby clothes shops near-by, some of them having sales signs. How is it that all shops have the cutest girl outfits and so limited options for girls? And whoever said you had to dress up boys in blue and girls in pink all the time? And how come a teensy weensy bit of clothing costs the same as a grown up's outfit? But nothing beats the excitement of shopping for baby clothes, I should know. By the time our li'l one arrives, I think I'd have gotten something from all baby shops around town...and that's when I'm being practical about buying for the kid! How can you NOT buy that cute little tee and polo shirt and matching socks? But I digress. Waj and I were trudging along shops, commenting how the shops wares were not that great a catch and lamenting that the mall had taken away all benches where we could rest awhile. There were still 25 minutes to kill and we had not the slightest energy to do any part of the mall. We entered a cafe thinking to buy a bottle of water and then theinking what next to do. The cashier had one look at us, did a double take and was all flustered...and concerned...please be seated, he urged us, then...'you'd be more comfortable on the couch.' Waj said he looked at her bump when suggesting the couch. She found it embarassing, I thought it was hilarious, how quickly he jumped to our side and made sure we were seated comfortably before asking for our order...just a bottle of water! It was fun, taking such blatant advantage of our conditions, in fact the advantage was given to us. People all over, I think find it fascinating to see a 'bump' and start speculating over when the baby would be due and it's gender. It's also strange how you start noticing all those pregnant women around you, and li'l babes being carried around, and prams and push-chairs...things you never noticed earlier.

We rested on the couch, drank water and laughed over the incident. I think the cashier had one look at us both and thought there'd be one of those TV/movie moments where he'd have to call a cab to rush us to the hospital. The problem was, I, Waj's companion, was myself in not much of a position to assist her should her time come. It was funny.

Some moments later we got a call from the massage place and went over. At first we thought we'd get the head and neck massage we'd got earlier, but once seated in the soothing environ I wasn't keen to get out any time soon, we changed to the Divine massage lasting a whole blissful one hour! The masseuse touched our spines and we were ready to crash...I think they both saw our states and felt our knotted muscles because they touched us and asked if it pained in the back...'oh, it aches all over,' we replied in unison. One absolutely relaxing hour of being attended to...all aches and pains kneaded away, starting from the back to shoulders and neck and head, ending on the feet...absolute bliss...I'd have slept if I didn't fear I'd miss out on experiencing the massage. We were all set to sleep on their recliners after our time ended...but all good things come to and end, so we readied to head home amidst chatters from both the masseuse on our conditions, guess-work on our terms and gender of the baby. Earlier I'd have thought it too prying, now I realise that people just enjoy talking about new life. I know I like sharing movement news and what new thing AA learnt the day...

We rushed home, not wanting to waste the massage. It became a mantra, let's not waste the massage, go home and rest. Even the weather in its wet, wintry glory could not tempt us to drive around and enjoy it. Home, home, home, rest, rest, rest...Fit end to a day about town. Husbands and their familiar refrains...that we are fresh and all active when we're with our girl friends, was to be addressed later. But first, the rest, the two Moms to-be had had a great day about town.