The Stork had better have some assistants

This year is going to be a busy one for the Stork, with so many deliveries it has to make.

Here's a count of babies delivered or expected this year. And these are babies I would see, whose parents I know and have met...friends who are expecting also know other people who are in the same league, but I'm not including them in the list. So here's a list:

1. M, sis in law: She's had baby girl H in December last year, I always start the count at her.
2. F, sis: She's had baby girl D in January this year
3. N, Z's colleague's wife: had a baby girl R in January
4. A, a friend: expecting in February
5. W, friend : expecting in February
6. Z, blogger I've met and know: expecting February/March
7. A, uni friend: expecting in March
8. N, uni friend: expecting twins in March
9. A, yours bloatedly: expecting in March/April
10. S, cousin: expecting in May
11. A, other sis in law: expecting in July/August

With N's twins, that's a neat dozen babies to pray for, shop for, cuddle and hug and go ga-ga over.

That's a cricket team complete with an extra player.

The year's only started and with what it's been like so far, there would be some more expected babies that I might learn of in the coming days/weeks. So the count is still open.

It's going to be one busy year for the Stork with all those deliveries, it had better have some assistants...

To be or not to be concerned

Some days after I started on the journey to motherhood, I declared to all Moms in my circle that mothers, all mothers, have amnesia; they phase out all the pains and pangs they'd endured to become a mommy. All they remember is the feeling of absolute bliss when they first held their precious little one and later it becomes a poop-time tale telling match between Moms. Have you ever noticed how moms always gather together and exchange stories of their kids latest antics? No one thinks to include non-moms into the group, no one thinks it noble to warn other females of what they went through in their nine months of gestation. Then again, they say all pregnancies are different, each has its own trials and perhaps moms, when they gather together, share these knowing that they'd get the sympathy they seek. Before I forget or choose to wipe out what I went through to become a mom, I think it would be better if I record it.

Pregnancy, I thought earlier, was only nausea and throwing up (filmi style), cravings for certain foods, weight gain, a bump and a whole world of pain at the time of birth to bring the baby into this world. Any stories I'd heard from friends, cousin, sister or even my MiL were the same, all told of nausea, a complete loss of apetite in the first trimester and then food cravings later down the pregnancy. Any mention of labor pains (and only two women came forward with that) was sketchy, just that yes, it hurt like hell, but the moment they held their child in hands, all was forgotten. U went to the extent of saying that after all that pain and suffering, she saw her daughter and felt that was the sole purpose of her life, to give birth to the wonderful being that she'd nurtured within her for nine months. It was such a rosy, hunky dory picture. That and the fact that there are so many kids around us, our siblings etc. How difficult can it all be when out mothers and theirs before them had kids...women have been having kids and going through all this since Hazrat Adam and Hawwa (AS).

There is a world of information out there on the internet on pregnancy and related issues, chunkloads of money are made on books about pregnancy, child care and the likes. All this and you're still oblivious of this facet of life, completely unaware that such literature exists, or perhaps you'd always ignored it altogether. I did not know what I did, all I know is that I sought information when I entered the ring...and information came pouring in from all sides as well. I was, all of a sudden included 'in' the sanctum of mommies...then my eyes opened up to what I had in store for me. The best part is, no one would vouch forward with what lay ahead, but the moment you mentioned a trying time, stories would pour forth. It's amazing how closely guarded such incidents are, only when you are in the midst of it all and experiencing it would you learn more or similar tales of woe.

I'd gone to the doctor for a routine visit, when the nurse congratulated me before I stepped in the doctor's room and when the doctor confirmed it, I went numb. That's what I felt, complete numbness...and perhaps helplessness. I know other women who'd been ecstatic at their 'news' irrespective of how many times they'd gone through it earlier already. I came home and cried and for better part of the coming week, I was weepy and crying. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I did not want it, the news was just overwhelming and I felt helpless, forlorn, trapped, I did not know who to turn to. I mean how can you douse the spirits of a jubilant dad-to-be? A major reason behind this, I guess was the fact that I was here on my own. Back home this news would have travelled as fast as telephone lines could relay it, everyone would've been happy. Here, every thing was muted, subdued. I've lived a life cocooned in love and care, being cherished every breathing moment just for being me. My comings and goings, in my immediate and extended family, were news of joy...all that unconditional love and attention is spoiling. I know it spoiled me for anything any less than that...imagine having a bucket full of cold reality and loneliness thrown in your face when you learn of the most momentous thing in your life…that those who love you most are not there with you. So I cried. I cried at having cried. I cried fearing that I would not make a good mother, I cried fearing I would not be able to love the child as much as it deserved, that I was such an undeserving mother, such a thankless candidate for the honor. And most of all I cried knowing that it would not get the kind of attention and love that I was lucky to get from my family. It's all so unfair for the life within me, it hadn't even got a heartbeat at the time it's mother was crying.

It's been six months since and the heart beats have become movements, kicks, jabs and squirms within me and each day I love it more...and fear more and cry more for it...it's scary, to love a child you haven't even seen or held in your hands and cry for it. I don't think I've cried as much in my entire life as I've cried in these past months. And honestly, I don't care much for the physical pains and sufferings I've been through so far, the nausea, wooziness, persistent aches...not even the thought of labor scares me, I'm ready to take on anything for the baby. Emotionally it's been hell. There are days when I feel I'm on top of the world, when I feel utterly blessed and then there are days when I'm totally down in the dumps, deep in despair. If someone were to ask me what I felt like, I'd say I feel like an apple that's been put through a juicer...all that remains of me is the dry, brittle pulp, every bit of joy drained out.

All reading that I've done so far encourages moms to talk to their bumps, I feel silly so I don't do that. I fear the baby would be more familiar with my sniffles than my voice...as it is it hears more from the TV than from its parents! Also I noticed, since movement became noticeable, that it seems to be more active when I'm upset. I've lain awake at nights, wallowing in self-pity, stressing myself out and the baby kicks its support inside me...it gets restless when I cry. Its at peace when I am. And this worries me too. What kind of a mother would I make if I keep the baby through such an emotional turmoil? What influence would get from my dark moods. I try to stay positive and upbeat, just for the baby...but I fail. It doesn't help that the baby's decided to not get into a proper position and give me more cause for concern. And all that stressing and worrying on my part may affect it as the chemicals released in the brain to my emotional upheavals reach the baby. There's little that can be done to prevent this. I can perhaps stress myself out to be happy and stay positive, force optimism...or binge on chocolate.

Growing up is fun...

How to compensate for no updates? Pictures... let them do the talking. Okay so in my case, I do most of the talking ... I like to talk and interrupt... :D

Baby D is growing up and out of most his clothes and I hadn't given it much thought until I came across his first pair of socks while tidying up his stuff. Compare it with what he is using these days and I am really shocked that this has been in just two months. When I first put socks on him two days after he was born... they didn't even fit him. He was too tiny to wear socks then. MashaAllah, he is growing up well! Now... as soon as I can find that perfect pair of shoes...

In the other news, Baby D performed his first Umrah on Friday. It was something we had been waiting and planning for quite sometime and believe it or not, all the stuff I had worried about, D could get scared of crowds, he'd cry during prayer time, he'll catch a cold, he'll be exhausted, I can't do Sa'ee..., nothing like that happened. It was really cold that evening and while there were children all around dressed in sweaters, jackets and hoodies, my two and half month old baby was bravely wearing an ahram or to put it more precisely, he was wearing a little more than a diaper. He looked such a darling in his crisp white cotton cloth of an ahram. Yes, we did take pictures and yes, he did like being dressed like the way he was. D kept waving his left arm up in the air and looking at the cloth being raised in the air with his arm. Alhamdulillah, not once did he cry during the whole of Umrah that lasted about three hours with Isha'a in between. Nanu and Aunnie had come along... they get separation anxiety every time D goes out for more than 3hrs. After the Umrah, we went around the streets of Makkah for a full hour trying to find one barber who could shave off D's hair. The ones we met were too scared and uncomfortable working on a baby that 'tiny'. (Oh yeah, we removed his hair the first time when he was four weeks old!) Anyway, we did find a badhe miyan who was very happy to do it. Yes, D did befriend him and Dad and Z told me later that D kept babbling trying to talk to them. Wow, what a kid!

We finally found toys for D. Okay they are not stuffed toys anymore... they are rattles and teethers. More on that some other day. D is awake... gotta run

Moms to-be about town

Alhamdulillah for girl friends, what would you do without them? I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to Waj, asides the fact that she was the one who match-made for me and Z, she's also my senior in the maternity hierarchy - she has an adorable tyrant-in-the-making son AA and another baby due next month InshaAllah. Some weeks my gestational senior, she's one good ear to turn to when it comes to sharing pregnancy woes, aches, concerns and joys. Also the perfect partner when it comes to catharsis and a general unburdening of the oft ungrateful species we agreed to for life - our husbands. But this is just about two moms to-be and their adventures about town.

Waj kind of cheated on me, she tempted me into marrying Z, suggesting how great it would be for us two to be house-wives and have fun in town once I was here, just like the good old days excepts we'd be mistresses of our time...Bliss. But then she shifted a whole hour's drive away to RAK and now her visits to town are when she's due for her routine ante-natal visits and our meetings are limited to the time I usually accompany her to the hospital. It was fine early one but now I have a whole lot of reservations about her driving when nearing full term but that's her choice and it's difficult to reason with the woman.

Last time Waj came over, we took a cab, went to the doctor, she'd left AA with her mom in RAK and was in no mood to waste the visit, so to speak...we decided to have a nice girlie-time and went to a salon for haircuts and facials, had lunch, window-shopped and came home for a heart to heart on husband behaviorisms (Her husband and mine are friends and have so many 'husbandly' traits in common they might as well be twins, but then all men are similar husbands). Good day.

Yesterday was more fun than last time. We did not have an assasination unfolding before our eyes on TV to end the fun-filled day.

Waj is nearing her full-term and I've just started my last trimester, we both look like waddling aunties, quite a sight. We started our day with a visit to the doctor, then had nice aloo parathas for brunch - the weather is so rainy these days - then went over to Mr. Bakers for desserts, all before noon. If people did a double take seeing us both cavorting as best as our conditions would allow, I didn't notice. I would later in teh day.

She hadn't slept a wink all night and I'd gotten up before dawn after being kicked awake by the footballer-wannabe inside me, we were both weary and tired to our bones, in fact we've stopped sharing our aches and pains, it's a given we'd be aching all over any and all the time. We only talk about it when it gets worse than usual, achey has become a permanent condition of being. We should have headed home and rested but Waj had a better idea, we'd go to Mega Mall and get a nice massage. We'd tried it once earlier, Waj and I, and liked it so much that in a fit of magnanimity we called over our husbands and sent them in for half an hour's bliss.

The massage place was full and we had to wait 40 minutes for teh next slots to be available, we were in a mall and earlier the wait would've been nothing, but no amount of imagination can descibe the crest-fallen look two weary, tired, aching-all-over moms to-be sported on their faces. So we thought we'd while away the time visiting the numerous baby clothes shops near-by, some of them having sales signs. How is it that all shops have the cutest girl outfits and so limited options for girls? And whoever said you had to dress up boys in blue and girls in pink all the time? And how come a teensy weensy bit of clothing costs the same as a grown up's outfit? But nothing beats the excitement of shopping for baby clothes, I should know. By the time our li'l one arrives, I think I'd have gotten something from all baby shops around town...and that's when I'm being practical about buying for the kid! How can you NOT buy that cute little tee and polo shirt and matching socks? But I digress. Waj and I were trudging along shops, commenting how the shops wares were not that great a catch and lamenting that the mall had taken away all benches where we could rest awhile. There were still 25 minutes to kill and we had not the slightest energy to do any part of the mall. We entered a cafe thinking to buy a bottle of water and then theinking what next to do. The cashier had one look at us, did a double take and was all flustered...and concerned...please be seated, he urged us, then...'you'd be more comfortable on the couch.' Waj said he looked at her bump when suggesting the couch. She found it embarassing, I thought it was hilarious, how quickly he jumped to our side and made sure we were seated comfortably before asking for our order...just a bottle of water! It was fun, taking such blatant advantage of our conditions, in fact the advantage was given to us. People all over, I think find it fascinating to see a 'bump' and start speculating over when the baby would be due and it's gender. It's also strange how you start noticing all those pregnant women around you, and li'l babes being carried around, and prams and push-chairs...things you never noticed earlier.

We rested on the couch, drank water and laughed over the incident. I think the cashier had one look at us both and thought there'd be one of those TV/movie moments where he'd have to call a cab to rush us to the hospital. The problem was, I, Waj's companion, was myself in not much of a position to assist her should her time come. It was funny.

Some moments later we got a call from the massage place and went over. At first we thought we'd get the head and neck massage we'd got earlier, but once seated in the soothing environ I wasn't keen to get out any time soon, we changed to the Divine massage lasting a whole blissful one hour! The masseuse touched our spines and we were ready to crash...I think they both saw our states and felt our knotted muscles because they touched us and asked if it pained in the back...'oh, it aches all over,' we replied in unison. One absolutely relaxing hour of being attended to...all aches and pains kneaded away, starting from the back to shoulders and neck and head, ending on the feet...absolute bliss...I'd have slept if I didn't fear I'd miss out on experiencing the massage. We were all set to sleep on their recliners after our time ended...but all good things come to and end, so we readied to head home amidst chatters from both the masseuse on our conditions, guess-work on our terms and gender of the baby. Earlier I'd have thought it too prying, now I realise that people just enjoy talking about new life. I know I like sharing movement news and what new thing AA learnt the day...

We rushed home, not wanting to waste the massage. It became a mantra, let's not waste the massage, go home and rest. Even the weather in its wet, wintry glory could not tempt us to drive around and enjoy it. Home, home, home, rest, rest, rest...Fit end to a day about town. Husbands and their familiar refrains...that we are fresh and all active when we're with our girl friends, was to be addressed later. But first, the rest, the two Moms to-be had had a great day about town.

Mommy says...

The best way to avoid PPD ( Post Partum Depression) is to find friends that you can talk to and learn that they actually understand what you're talking about!

Guess what? I realise, I already have friends who are in the same boat as me. I am blessed, Alhamdulillah.

Hmm.... I need to go bathe Baby D. Hey..... I haven't used the word 'bathe' in writing for ages... What a discovery?!!! ( Please observe and learn: This is what I call 'Postpartum Brain or simply PPB) See what a great therapy this blog is? I am already unwinding and feeling great about myself.